A Touch of Insanity
by three-is-enough
Summary: Aizen x Ichigo -- Ichigo is in Hueco Mundo with Aizen. Is Aizen the root of Ichigo's problems or his saviour? --Yaoi
1. Chapter 1

Title: A Touch of Insanity

Rating: M - yaoi

Summary: Ichigo now lives with Aizen in Los Noches but he is not quite himself. What made him this way? Why is he with Aizen?

* * *

It always starts with a touch, the simplest of caresses. That is how it starts, but he always falls back into the nightmare. The wish for escape and an end is too fleeting and never fully granted to him. Empty, hollow laughter erupts from his throat. The sound is chilling. There is no emotion in it, no warmth, just nothingness.

"Ichigo, what amuses you?" asks a deep voice.

"Nothing, absolutely nothing." was the reply.

"Hmm…"

Deep brown eyes watch an orange haired teen pace. Ichigo wore no top just the black hakama with white obi.

"Why don't you come here Ichigo?" A brown haired man held out his hand, still seated in a white throne like chair. "Come, I promise you will feel better."

"Okay, Aizen-sama." The young man said with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. Obediently, he walked over, taking the offered hand.

Ichigo is pulled across Aizen's lap. He allowed his head to fall onto a wide shoulder, turning his face into the other man's neck. No longer letting himself think, he relaxes and sinks into Aizen.

"Do you love me, Ichigo?"

"Hai, Aizen-sama, always, forever." Ichigo replies quietly.

Since his face was hidden, Ichigo did not see the disturbingly haughty smile that flashed across Aizen's face. A larger hand runs up and down the naked back in a soothing gesture. The other hand ran through surprisingly soft hair. Brining his lips to Ichigo's ear, he nibbles and sucks.

"You will stay with me forever, will you not?"

"Hai, Aizen-sama, always, forever."

"And you are mine." He does not ask but states.

"Hai, Aizen-sama, yours always and forever."

Ichigo is tilted over the arm of the chair, while Aizen kisses and licks his way down his neck. The orange haired young man tilts his head to the side, offering himself. Both of his hands lightly buried in brown hair, he knows better than to tug. A moan ripped from deep within him. The older man cups the younger's erection through clothing.

Aizen slowly untied the obi and slipped his hand under the material of the hakama.

"Do you want this Ichigo?" Aizen's deep voice caused shivers to run up and down the young man's spine.

"Oh…" gasp, "yes… please …" Ichigo arched up into the hand cupping him. This was what he seemed to need. To lose all sense of self in pleasure seemed to bring some sanity back to his eyes. Those warm amber globes seemed to glow with emotion and need. "Yes… I need this. I need you. Please, please Aizen-sama."

Brown hair fell into his face as he maneuvered the teen around in his lap. A now naked Ichigo straddled him, while his own hakama was pooled around his feet.

"Ride me Ichi." Commanded Aizen.

Ichigo, with no preparation and no lubrication, impaled himself upon Aizen.

"Aaahh!" It was a scream of pain and pleasure. Not waiting for more than a moment, the boy started to ride up and down on the older man's cock. His face was scrunched up in concentration and want. The orange haired teen maneuvered around until his prostate was hit each time he came down. "Nnnggh! Yes! Oh god yes!"

Aizen grabbed hold of the teen, assisting him. He thrust harder up into Ichigo. His dark brown eyes met glazed amber.

"This… is what… you want… what you need…? Shall I go harder?"

"Yeeeess!" Ichigo wailed.

Aizen threw the boy to the floor and flipped him to his hands and knees before thrusting harshly back inside.

"Aaaargh! More… more… ha…harder, deeper!" Ichigo cried, backing into every thrust.

With the hard pace they set, it did not take them long before cumming. Ichigo collapsed with Aizen still on top of him.

Still, breathing harshly, and slowly coming down from his sex high, Ichigo let out a contented sigh.

"Love you Sousuke."

"I love you too Ichigo." Aizen rolled himself off of the teen and onto his back. "Do you feel better?"

"Yes," Ichigo yawned and scooted himself over onto the older man's chest. "I am sorry for being such a burden to you."

With a deep rumbling laugh, Aizen looked deeply into Ichigo's eyes.

"You are not a burden and doing this is by no means troublesome."

Ichigo chuckled at that.

"I know that sex is not something most people would say no to. That is not what I am talking about. I … I've been losing myself a lot lately. What if I can't come back from it? What if… I never get over this? I don't want to have your love turn into pity. I don't want to have you tied down taking care of me when you could be happy." A couple of tears flowed out of Ichigo's eyes.

"First, I make love to you. Second, I knew you were broken before I picked you up and brought you into my life. I made the choice Ichigo. I will not leave you and I will not pity you by any means. Your strength drew me to you from the beginning and your strength will see you triumph over this."

* * *

"Um… Aizen-sama?"

A timid voice called out to him as he left his rooms.

"Yes Inoue-san. What may I do for you?"

"About Kurosaki-kun…. Is he alright? I mean after everything…they did, is he getting better?" Inoue Orihime's grey eyes shone with concern.

"He is getting better Inoue-san. It will take some time. Physically he is fine thanks to you. Unfortunately the emotional and mental scars are still there." Aizen lay a comforting hand on Inoue's shoulder. In the past, this would have made her flinch and want to cringe away, now all she did was look up at the man with hope in her eyes. "He just needs some time. He has had fewer episodes this week. Why don't you come and visit him tonight. Have some dinner with him. He has been more lucid, maybe he will recognize you this time. For now, he happens to be sleeping."

As Aizen walked off, Inoue looked on with sad eyes. Turning to the door and knowing that it would be locked, she laid her hand softly on the white wood and a tear ran down her cheek.

"Kurosaki-kun, please get better."

* * *

I wanted to make this longer but well.... I only have a general outline of what I want. I have been slowly figuring out how I want to go about this story. Sorry for any confusion, things will be explained as we go.

Let me know what you think. Any questions are welcomed, will help me fill in parts of this story.

Thanx for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I keep forgetting these but anyhow, don't own Bleach.

**a/n: I ACCIDENTALLY POSTED A SLAVE OF INNER DESIRES INSTEAD OF THE FIRST CHAPTER OF THIS STORY SO TO EVERYONE WHO WAS CONFUSED WITH THE SUMMARY AND PAIRING I OFFER MY APOLOGIES. I HOPE YOU WILL GO BACK AND READ THE FIRST CHAP SO THAT THIS MAKES MORE SENSE. FOR EVERYONE WHO LIKED THE SHIRO ICHI LOOK TO MY PROFILE TO SEE WHERE I POSTED IT.**

_Italics_ – dream sequence

* * *

MOMENTS IN TIME

(Excerpt from Kurosaki Ichigo's Journal – the beginning)

You would think it would be a fairly slow decent into insanity but I can tell you that it is not so.

Maybe I should not just plunge straight in as I am not quite sure of every detail. Aizen has asked that I keep a journal. He has promised that no one will read this but himself. He tells me that this is to help me get better but I don't know. How do I really start this?

Well, I am Kurosaki Ichigo, or at least that is what I am told. My memories are shattered and I do not know who I am. The name feels right though.

I have been brought to Los Noches, Aizen's home. He has been kind to me despite my… illness? I do not know what to call what has happened to me. There are scars and aches that plague me as if I am an old man.

At night, all I dream of, all that I see is blood, all that I hear are screams, and all that I feel is pain.

Sometimes, I see flashes of faces. They come and go but who are they?

. . . . . . . . . .

There was this girl who came to see me today. She said her name was Inoue Orihime. She looked at me with such sad grey eyes. I feel I should know her. Are we related? No, that does not feel quite right. I wonder who she is. She looked at me expectantly, as if she wanted me to know who she was. I felt bad and a part of me wanted to comfort her.

While she was visiting, I had an … episode? A black out? But when I looked at her again, she was in tears and her lower lip was bruised and split.

Did I do that?

Oh god, please say that I did not do that!

******

(Present - Ichigo's room)

Nightmares disturbed his sleep. He tossed and turned and sweat beaded across his skin. His orange hair matted to his forehead. The white sheets stuck and tangled around Ichigo.

"No….no… please no."

_Light blinded him and he could see figures rushing around him but they were almost indistinct. Their clothing was black and white and a black and white face hovered over him. Who was it? He felt he should know._

_He tried to move but found that he was tied down. The straps dug into his wrists and ankles, rubbing them raw. He noticed tubes and wires all originating from somewhere past the bright light leading down toward him. There were pulling sensations across the skin of his arms and legs, some even in different areas of his torso. Confusion reigned in his mind._

_Voices talking, only he could not make out their words. It was all coming to him like he was under water. Screaming, pain filled and almost hopeless sounds fill his ears and the indistinguishable words are drowned out._

_Then searing pain engulfs his whole being. A sensation of burning in fire and yet being torn apart from the inside out at the same time. What is happening? What are they doing?_

_They, them, these beings he did not know are tearing him apart. He is breaking, shattering, couldn't they see? If they did not stop, he would be shattered into pieces too small to put back together._

_He realizes the screams are coming from his own throat, raw, from deep within, full of pain, and rage, and fear._

_Slowly, the sound doubles, an echo, a reflection. What is happening to him? Why won't they leave him alone?_

"_Stop…please…just stop."_

_Darkness engulfs him._

_Awakening to a broken feeling, a feeling of missing a part of oneself, caused tears to flow from his eyes._

_Missing… what was missing? So empty, so alone._

_Finally, opening his eyes, he blinks. In front of him lay a reflection of himself in white. So strange to see something like this but at the same time he knew this being._

_Reaching out a curious hand, he feels the soft skin of his double's cheek. The white copy's eyelids flutter and creep open to reveal black and yellow eyes. They calmly watched one another while lying on a cold stone floor. The dim lighting revealed stone walls and bars all around them. They had been placed in a cage or prison of some sort._

"_So aibou, what now?" the other said in his watery voice._

"_I don't know. What is your name? You are familiar but I do not know you."_

"_My name?" Cackling laughter fills the air._

_Suddenly he is lifted by his throat and then slammed into the wall. His fingers try to pry the white man's hand away but he is too weak._

"_You know me, you know my name." The white face stops an inch from his own and he can feel the other being's breath. "I am you."_

_He looked on in horror as the albino reflection blurred and changed. It's face is no longer the perfect inverted copy. The right eye turned to an empty black pit. Scars formed ropey lines of skin that divided his face in half and ran from the corners of his eyes and lips. The face looked like someone had chopped it in pieces and tried to put it back together._

_Gasping, trying to suck in what air he could, the tears of horror and pain flowed continuously down his face._

"_You are to blame, King. You were too weak to save us. You were too weak to save them all. IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"_

"_NNNOOOO!!!"_

Jolting up in bed, Ichigo could only gasp and sob. The tears would not stop and all that he could see was that broken and tortured reflection of himself. All he could hear were the words stating that it was all his fault.

* * *

**gah! this chapter sucked! sorry.... really**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Bleach is not mine.

Inoue Orihime came close to growling at her boyfriend. It was so out of character for her but no one else was able to thoroughly piss her off like Ulquiorra. The green eyed arrancar hovered over her constantly. She knew and freely admitted she was a bit of a ditz and accident prone but how possessive and protective he was tended to be too much. Then there were those remarks about her friends that he would make, especially about Ichigo.

"Really, just stop this." Orihime took a deep calming breath and paced across their room. "I am quite safe and after all Aizen-sama will be there. We've been here for about eight months now and nothing really bad has happened. I am not so fragile as to be escorted everywhere I go and be looked after every moment of the day. I am only going to dinner."

"You are quite breakable being human after all and Kurosaki is trash and has always been. I do not know what you and Aizen-sama sees in him." Ulquiorra said in his dead voice.

"He is my friend. When you died, when you asked me if I feared you, I realized that no matter what I was going to bring you back. I no longer feared you. I found my courage, my resolve and I was going to make you my friend. I was going to show you that there are things and people that are worth caring about. Now let me show you that he is someone that has earned that right. That he has shown his worth."

"By harming you? Do you not remember the first day he was brought here? Do you not remember that he nearly broke your jaw?" Ulquiorra actually showed some emotion as he brought up the past.

"It was not on purpose! He would never do that on purpose."

"That is the point, he has no control of himself. He is not worth your care."

No, he was wrong she knew Ichigo was worth every effort and care. She felt it was her fault anyway for bringing this pain upon him. If he had not followed her to try to save her back then he would not be so broken now and that man, that creature, would not have found out about him. It was all her fault. No, there was no way that she would abandon him now. No matter what Ulquiorra might say, she would not be swayed in her resolve. It was the least she could do to repay Ichigo.

"You just do not understand. It is my fault and I need to fix this."

She just huffed and left their rooms. She knew he followed but was determined to ignore him.

******

Upon reaching Aizen's private dining room, she knocked and then entered. There, the lord of Los Noches sat regally at the head of the table with Ichigo already seated to his right.

When Orihime made to sit down next to Ichigo, Ulquiorra pulled her around to the other side of the table.

Orihime immediately imagined using her shield to shove him out of the door and then barring him reentry. This made her smile.

"Good evening Aizen-sama. Good evening Kurosaki-kun." She said with her usual cheer.

Ichigo started at being addressed.

"Inoue-san." Aizen replied and then gestured to an unknown arrancar to begin serving dinner.

"Um… how have you been Kurosaki-kun?"

"I'm fine." His tone could have rivaled Ulquiorra's for blandness.

"Are you sure?" Inoue asked, noting the red and bruised looking skin around his eyes.

"Just some nightmares, it's nothing."

Dinner was a strained affair to say the least. Ichigo just picked at his plate while Inoue tried to fill the silence with inane chatter. Ulquiorra was of course his charming self, sending glares at Ichigo every chance he got and Aizen was as unruffled as ever.

Ichigo started to twitch a little, clattering his fork on the plate and drawing everyone's attention.

Aizen calmly reached out and gently took the fork from his hands.

"Kurosaki-kun?" Inoue reached for her hair pins.

"Calm yourself, it should be over in a minute. He is fine." Aizen pulled Ichigo into his arms and held him through the fit.

Inoue watched with tears in her eyes. To think that not too long ago, Aizen would have had Ichigo killed in a heartbeat. It was unbelievable that this powerful man was so caring towards his one time enemy. This show of love broke the last piece of hope for her and Ichigo that she had not realized she still carried.

A convulsion caused Ichigo to slip from Aizen's arms to the floor. Aizen took off his haori, folded it and placed it under the teen's head. He shook and shuddered while the others waited and watched helplessly.

"In-oue… have to save…. Ru-ki-a don't die… ugh." Tears flowed from the corners of eyes clenched shut tight in pain.

Ichigo's skin started to turn white. His hair also took on the ghostly hue around the roots. What looked like scars littered the skin around his face and neck.

"Bastard! So weak…stupid…fucking stupid. Get away! Aaaaahhhh!" Inoue blinked, that sounded like Ichigo's hollow.

"Aizen-sama? What is happening to him?" She turned into Ulquiorra's chest. "I thought you said he was getting better."

With a small sigh Aizen looked up at the girl.

"This is nothing. He has been worse." Surprisingly Aizen allowed them to see how tired he seemed. "You need to understand that a part of him broke long before anything happened to him. During his lucid moments, he would talk about his mother and her death. Then when he first became a shinigami, it was because of his reiatsu that the hollows attacked. He felt it was his fault that his family was in danger. One thing after another. One person depending on him after another. All of this began to slowly chip away at his sanity. This break would have been healed if he was given time and support from his friends and family but he was not given the opportunity. You were with the team who rescued him. You know that a person does not come out the same after something like that. Those cracks, those areas chipped away weakened and broke. He suffers from a type of dissociative amnesia and seizures but it is getting better. He remembers more, but as it is he will not be the same again."

Aizen stood with Ichigo cradled in his arms.

"You may stay and finish dinner if you wish." With that he left.

******

(Excerpt from Kurosaki Ichigo's Journal)

I remember a little now. There was a face. She had the most beautiful violet eyes and short hair that framed her face.

I don't remember the name but I saw blood… It tore at my heart to see her all bloody. I do not know her yet I cannot stop thinking about her. I wonder if I loved her.

The bright color of blood also brought a memory of someone with red red hair. I could not see the face but I knew it was a guy. I felt like he was someone close to me. When I think of him I also think of the girl with violet eyes. I wonder why?

…

I had a nightmare. Bodies, there were three. I just could not comprehend why they would be lying in fantastic broken poses over the ruble of a building. One was a man. He was dark haired and scruffy. Looking at him, I felt annoyance and affection and sadness that he was gone. The other two were little girls. They seemed so tiny in that mess. One had black hair and the other had light brown, an almost blonde. I remember screaming for them to wake. I remember begging and pleading but I could not hear the names that I knew I shouted.

I woke to Aizen sitting on the bed next to me. He seemed to know what I needed. I cried for a long time. I think I fell asleep because when I opened my eyes he was gone. Even if it were only for a few moments, I was glad he was there.

-----****-----

A/N: Confused? Well, these chapters were a sort of long prologue. In the next chapter we travel to the past to see what happened.

A GREAT BIG THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED!!!!

Thanks also to anyone who alerted and faved .


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: The usual, don't own, etc.

* * *

(A little reminder, we're now in the past)

"Hahahaha! Look at that! Amazing! That boy is just amazing! The espada is amazing!" Kurotsuchi-taicho watched Ichigo in his hollow form fight that Godzilla sized monster of an espada. "Nemu?! Are you recording this?!"

"Hai, Mayuri-sama."

The creepy taicho just watched as Rukia and Renji were batted away like flies. Ishida and Chad were trying to distract Yammy with distance attacks while Ichigo raced in to deal a blow. His swift movements and strikes were not doing much damage but were distracting enough to allow others to get in blows. Yammy was not the smartest of the espada and he definitely showed it with his windmilling arms that tried to swat his insect sized (compared to him anyways) opponents away.

The roars of frustration let out by the espada shook everything in the immediate area. The ceros he let out left wide swaths of destruction and it took everything the shinigami and humans had to get out of the way.

Blow after blow, dodge and attack, but nothing seemed to slow the behemoth. Finally, Ichigo was able to come in close enough to pierce Yammy in the eye, yelling out getsuga tenshou.

As Ichigo dealt the fatal blow, a wave of reiatsu pulsed from within Los Noches.

"It seems Aizen has returned." Mayuri muttered to himself.

Yammy slowly shrunk back down in size as he could no longer hold onto his released form.

"Quickly, Nemu, before he dies, use that device to freeze him. I will have an arrancar to test on finally and an espada at that!" The freaky taicho practically danced in place as his lieutenant raced toward the downed hollow with a small black cube.

"Kurotsuchi-taicho, where did Ichigo go?" Rukia stumbled out from behind a pile of rubble that she had been tossed into.

"Eh? Kurosaki was just here…. Nemu, you were to have kept track of the boy! Stupid, worthless, …" Mayuri then slapped and kicked her a few times as he rambled on with his name calling.

"Mayuri-sama, what about Aizen?" Nemu calmly reminded him while looking down submissively.

"Ah yes. I suppose the brat went to fight Aizen. I felt his reiatsu return just a moment ago."

"What!? That… that…BAKA!" she yelled as she was so frustrated she couldn't think of what to call him. Rukia then gasped and wrapped an arm around her self. Apparently she had bruised if not broken some ribs and in her agitation jostled the injury.

They all turned toward the main buildings as a large explosion destroyed the walls closest to them and Ichigo's reiatsu plummeted to almost nothing.

"ICHIGO!!!" Rukia gathered herself and raced toward her possibly fallen comrade. She was silently joined one by one by Renji, Ishida, Nel, Kurotsuchi-taicho and Chad.

Racing through the maze of Los Noches, they felt an enormous pulse of power from both Ichigo and Aizen. It pulsed once, twice and then they felt nothing from either combatant.

******

Rukia and the others burst through the throne room doors. With no signs of Aizen or an ongoing battle, they looked for their friend. There amongst the rubble on the floor lay Ichigo, twitching, convulsing. His sword lay on the floor next to his hand. Cries of "Ichigo!" burst from his friends as they rushed to his side.

His body bore no new wounds so they could not see the cause of the state the boy was in. Ichigo's brown eyes were wide open, unseeing and tears flowed across his face.

"Ichigo…Ichigo! ICHIGO!!!!"

Rukia tried her best to snap him out of it by calling to him and shaking him but still received no response. Tears started to flow. Gasping in realization, she turned to the others.

"Aizen has the ability of hypnosis! What if he is making Ichigo see something? What if he is trapped inside his own mind!?" Rukia grabbed onto Kurotsuchi- taicho. "He could do that couldn't he?! Well couldn't he?"

The taicho grimaced in distaste at being manhandled by this little girl.

"I do not know all of his abilities. As disheartening as my lack of knowledge may sound, I can experiment and see if I can find a way to snap him out of this trance." Kurotsuchi smiled in an I'll do it whether or not you say yes or no sort of way.

******

(Excerpt from Ichigo's Journal)

I know Aizen reads my journal. He has been honest about that. I do not know if I truly trust him, though he has been nothing but kind to me. I watch him sometimes. He smiles but it does not really reach his eyes.

Sometimes though, when he is with me, I see something that makes me wonder at who the man underneath really is. It is not really cruelty that I see, though I can say that he is at times very harsh.

What is behind the mask you wear?

I know that he has rescued me from something horrible otherwise I would not be the way I am. I wonder what he knows and does not tell me.

Is he afraid that I will hate him?

--I wonder, when you read this, will you tell me? Will you answer my questions? Am I so far gone that anything you say will…I don't know, cause problems for you or make me have some sort of melt down? I am so tired of trying to remember and only getting bits and pieces. I am so angry and frustrated at this slow process….

And I am so scared to know what it could have possibly been that put me in this state.

* * *

**A/N: TOOK A BIT TO WRITE THIS. NOT GREAT AND KINDA SHORT BUT BEST I COULD DO WITH THE MILLION INTERUPTIONS OF LIVING IN A LARGE HOUSEHOLD. WHO KNEW GETTING THREE LITTLE GIRLS READY FOR THE NEW SCHOOL YEAR WOULD BE SO TOUGH.**

**ANYHOW, THANKS FOR READING.**


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: The standard disclaimer applies, don't own yada yada

**Is a rough draft of chapter. Made everyone wait long enough. Hope you enjoy.**

* * *

The Winter War was a misnomer if there ever was one or maybe it was just hopeless optimism because it did not look like the fighting would be over in just one season. The attack on Karakura or more precisely, the major battle for the King's key was over only for the moment. The war itself was on hold for now so that both sides could regroup. Tousen, Barragan, and many fraccion were the casualties for Aizen's side in the battle for Karakura. Ichimaru Gin was wounded but it was unknown how severely. Harribel had grabbed a defeated Stark and jumped through a garganta before the killing blow could be delivered.

The defenders also took some difficult hits. Soi Fon still was missing part of her arm as was Hacchi. Komamura-taicho and Hisagi fukutaicho were both severely injured in taking down Tousen. Hinamori Momo, Matsumoto Rangiku and Madarame Ikaku were still recovering from their fights though they should be up and about soon. And everyone from the Sou-taicho down worried and waited for the team that had entered Hueco Mundo.

The town had been rematerialized in the real world and repairs were being made to the pillars so that they could transfer the town again.

Urahara was able to reopen the garganta the captains had entered and all that was left to do was hope the others would reappear soon.

It took two days before they came stumbling through the gate. Dirty, tired and looking dejected they all came through including Orihime. The captains were tired but only mildly worse for wear. Kenpachi, his uniform torn and bloodied, herded Kurotsuchi-taicho ahead of him while Yachiru bounced around them with her never ending energy. In the fukutaicho's usual place, Hanataro hung in an exhausted stupor. Byakuya and Unohana flanked Chad who was carrying Ichigo on his back. The girls, Rukia, Orihime, Isane and Nemu came behind them, while Renji and Ishida covered their retreat.

Urahara swiftly closed the gate as soon as the last person exited.

No words were spoken as they all pretty much collapsed. Byakuya of course gracefully sat down instead of full on collapsing. Chad gently lay Ichigo down before sprawling on the ground next to him.

Kenpachi just unceremoniously dumped Hanataro on the ground and with a thump lay in a cloud of dust, snoring. Kurotsuchi tried to move toward Ichigo but found that Kenpachi had somehow grabbed hold of his ankle and he could not pry the larger man off. With a huff, the creepy taicho leaned up against a nearby boulder and closed his eyes.

The girls were all huddled together on the ground, back to back or just leaning on one another in exhaustion.

Ishida and Renji just turned back to back and slid to the ground.

"My, my…" Urahara murmured. He gestured to Tessai to bring refreshments. "Why is everyone so gloomy? It looks like a successful mission and everyone is here. The Sou-taicho will be happy to hear everyone is safe."

Many of them looked away from the shop owner. A few sniffles were heard from the girls.

Orihime looked up with tear filled eyes.

"Kurosaki-kun… He is…" She started to sob. "He came to rescue me and I can't help him!"

"What?" Urahara looked over to Ichigo whom he'd thought was just exhausted. He noticed the bandages wrapped around his eyes and the slight twitching of his hands.

"Explain." The seriousness in his tone catching Tessai's attention and both went to examine Ichigo.

"He went to fight Aizen alone." Rukia started.

"When we arrived, he was unresponsive and convulsive on the floor." Ishida supplied.

"He was crying. Oh man! His eyes wide open like he could see somethin'… a nightmare… somethin' horrible." Renji added and ran a hand down his face.

"We bandaged his eyes closed. He just…stared." Hanataro added in his tiny voice.

"Kurotsuchi-taicho tried to do something to him." Rukia accused. "We were able to hold him off until Unohana-taicho arrived." Everyone glared at the aforementioned captain.

"I can only assume Aizen has used his hypnosis ability and somehow locked him in a vision of some sort." Unohana added.

"Hmm," The former taicho scratched his head. "I do not know how to snap him out of it but maybe we can see what it is that he is seeing. Once we know that we may be able to come up with something. In the mean time everyone get their rest. I should have something set up shortly."

…

"Are you sure about this Urahara?" Rukia asked.

"Nothing is ever one hundred percent but this will not harm him and we may just figure out what is happening inside him."

He finished hooking up the wires to Ichigo's head and turned the machine on.

A screen across the room lit up and blurry images appeared. With some more adjustments on his equipment, Urahara was able to bring the picture into focus.

Gasps came from around the room. Ichigo stood there with Zangetsu in his hands. Tears flowed from his eyes, leaving trails in the blood that covered him, as he looked around at a mess of bodies. His sisters lay at his feet, dead, with injuries that could only be caused by a sword. His father lay a little further away in a puddle of blood and missing an arm. Image after image appeared, featuring Ichigo and someone he knew. In every scene, Ichigo was the aggressor and each person was slain in a very bloody manner. These images looped over and over.

All everyone who was present could think was that this was one of the cruelest things that someone could do to the orange haired teen. For a person who was a protector to the core to be put in a situation where he destroys those he loves with his own hands was to break him, crush him.

…

"The only thing that we can think of without being invasive or destructive was to put Kurosaki-kun into a medically induced coma. Hopefully this will allow his brain to reboot and he will be fine afterward." Urahara explained to the others.

"Kurosaki-kun will be transferred to the fourth division as soon as possible to be monitored. Unfortunately, this will not be an overnight process. To make sure that he is given enough time to recover from the hypnosis, he will be in a coma for at least a week." Unohana further explained. "He will more than likely need counseling after this traumatic event. I hope all of you will offer him the support he will need."

"Isn't there a kido or something that can just wipe those memories from his mind? After all they were placed there, why can't those visions just be removed?" A few others agreed with Rukia's questions.

"That was considered when we were discussing options. There is no kido spell that would let him keep his memories intact. It would be an all or none procedure should we take that route. He would forget everyone and everything that he has known. He would remember basic things like how to use eating utensils, maybe some things he learned in school and possibly his family, though that is unlikely."

"But, how can that be? We use memory modifiers all the time!" Rukia protested.

"The modifiers target recent memories in the short term area of the brain before those become long term. Unfortunately, with your delay in getting here and no true knowledge of what parts of the brain are affected by Aizen's ability, we are unable to use the same technology." Urahara scratched the back of his head and sighed. "Well, you know how it's said in cooking that it is easier to add than to take away? The same saying applies here. There is no way to just pinpoint one specific memory or even a series. We would have to rifle through his mind and possibly cause more damage than we can hope to ever repair." Urahara said sadly. "Our best option at the moment is to try and just stop the continuation of these visions."

"We are ready to leave, Urahara-san." Unohana gestured to the others. Ichigo lay on a stretcher, ready to be taken to Soul Society. Hanataro took one end while Renji lifted the other. "A report has been made to the Soutaicho and we have approval to begin whatever treatment is deemed necessary. If you come up with anything that can help, let me know."

"Of course." Urahara agreed and then laid a hand on Rukia's shoulder for a moment. "Have faith in him Kuchiki-san. He is strong. Believe he will pull through."

The shopkeeper stepped back as the senkaimon opened and just watched with sad eyes as they disappeared into the portal.

…

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

The scream echoes throughout the fourth division. Shinigami scrambled from all corners of the building, racing toward the room that the scream came from.

When Unohana-taicho rushed in, her face paled and she swayed a little. There before her was something that she never thought would happen within the walls of her own division. The wall nearest the bed was splattered with blood. Kurosaki Ichigo's body lay sprawled in a strange position in the bed, with blood starting to pool under him. Multiple stab wounds were visible across his torso. His right arm dangled from the bed and his left leg hung off the other side. On her knees, not far into the room, was Kuchiki Rukia. Her violet eyes were wide in shock.

Snapping out of her stunned stupor, the medical taicho ordered her subordinates to bring emergency equipment to the room and called for her trauma team. She got someone to lead Rukia out and sedate her as she rushed to save Ichigo's life.

A nearby figure watched with malicious glee before fleeing with a large bundle slung over their shoulder.

…

(excerpt – Ichigo's journal)

I didn't really trust Aizen. A part of me was scared of this man. No not just scared but deathly afraid. How do you trust someone who keeps things from you? How can you not be afraid when something inside screams at you when he comes near?

Then, despite all of that, I was starting to get used to him being there and just as that distrust was being chipped away, he told me the truth. He told me about his part in making me this way. He told me about his powers and that he used them on me.

He said that my dreams of people dying were remnants of what he had done and that as far as he knew, each and every person that had died in my dreams were still alive.

I think I passed out or had one of my episodes then. I just remember being so furious and hurt.

When I woke up, I was strapped down to the bed. The restriction made panic rise within me. Just as I was about to lose it and scream, Aizen was there again. He held me close as he loosened the ties.

Aizen allowed me to cling to him and cry and beat at his chest, all the while he crooned that I was safe and that he was sorry.

I do not know if I should believe his remorse in playing the part he did in my descent into insanity. All I know is that I am too dangerous to be allowed around anyone who can't protect themselves. He is the only constant in my life so far and the only one I can cling to when the need arises. I wonder if that was by design or if he really is the only one who can handle me.

Should I trust that we are no longer enemies? I am so confused.

… … …

Aizen Sousuke is an interesting man. He stays with me most nights now or more like I stay with him. They have had me moved into his private quarters.

We talk about books that I read and what type of day he has had. He tells me about the others in this place. I am told that I have met these others but I am not myself during those times. The one he speaks most about is a man named Ichimaru Gin.

Apparently, Gin is like a son to him. This man is someone Aizen met over a hundred years ago when he was a fukutaicho and the other a child.

Sometimes when Ichimaru's name is mentioned, I would get a flash of silver hair and a smile. Is that him?

There are times that I get this feeling of hurt and want and need when Ichimaru comes up in conversation. Is that jealousy?

I don't know my own mind most times so how am I supposed to figure out all my feelings?

God I am an idiot. I couldn't be falling for my enemy now could I? I should always remember that he is not my friend and he helped make me the way I am.


	6. Chapter 6

The standard disclaimer applies.

Hope you like! This is still a rough copy and not edited!

* * *

Three months had gone by. Three months of watching and waiting. Three months and hope started to fade.

The war still raged, though with less intensity than before. People, hollows, shinigami, arrancar, all fell one by one.

And the hope that one person had represented now withered as there was no sign of recovery. Kurosaki Ichigo lay as still as death, hooked up to the many machines that kept him alive.

The attacker from months before was never caught and the substitute shinigami never woke.

"I think it's clear that he will not wake. His family should be notified and allowed to make the final decision on our substitute shinigami." Yamamoto informed the captains gathered in front of him.

Sad eyes from nearly every captain present acknowledged the decision and accepted it.

"No protest Kurotsuchi-taicho?" Kyoraku Shunsui drawled.

Everyone turned to the twelfth division captain.

"Why should I? It's not like you would let me experiment on the boy anyway. Though I guess he would still be an interesting test subject despite his condition." He tapped on his painted face with a finger as if in thought.

"Moving on…" Yamamoto continued their meeting.

The fourth, sixth, eighth, and thirteenth division captains had their doubts about their strange colleague but held their tongues.

…

"Daddy, what is wrong with Ichigo? Why won't he wake?" Yuzu in all her innocence asked.

"Why my beautiful daughter, I as the super doctor I am, will do my best to find out." Ishin said in a goofy tone but the strained lines around his mouth belied his smile. He led them through the corridors of the fourth division with confidence and purpose.

Karin just stoically followed along. Her searching eyes looking to see if she can spot any familiar faces. Her brother's disappearances were only recently explained to her and she wondered how many people she actually knew were shinigami.

'_Who knew goat-face could be serious enough to become a captain class shinigami?'_ she snorted to herself.

They were met at the doorway of the guarded room by Kuchiki Rukia and Unohana-taicho.

"Rukia-san!" Yuzu ran up to the other girl and hugged her.

"Yuzu..." Rukia started, "I'm sorry."

"My third daughter! Don't be so sad. Ichigo is strong, he'll be just fine." Ishin butted in. "Let's go see him. I'm sure all he needs is a swift kick to get him going again."

Inside lay the orange haired teen, wired to all kinds of machines and tubes leading from his mouth and nose.

Ishin allowed the girls to go to their brother first. Karin and Yuzu held each other's hand as they reached to take Ichigo's. Doing the thing that twins do best, they gasped at the same time and let him go. They backed away together and rushed to their father.

"What is it Yuzu? Karin?"

"That is not Ichi-nii." Karin said firmly.

"Where is onii-san? He looks like Ichi-nii but that's not him." Yuzu said.

Ishin moved forward and touched his son. A frown marred his brow.

"Now girls, your brother is in a coma and has been for some time. Maybe he seems a little strange to you because he is hooked up to so many machines."

Quickly Isshin ushered them out of the room, motioning Unohana and Rukia.

"Rukia-chan, would you look after the girls while I make the arrangements with Unohana-taicho to take Ichigo home?" At Rukia's nod, Retsu led the way to her office.

"Now, what is the matter Isshin?" The taicho gestured for him to sit in the chair by her desk.

"That is not Ichigo that is lying in that bed. The girls were right. Whoever that is, that person is not my son."

"His energy signature is a little off but considering what he has been through that is not surprising." She tried to calm the man.

"No. I can tell, and I am telling you now that that is not Ichigo!" Isshin insisted. "A man ought to know his own offspring and I may not be the best parent out there, but I am telling you Retsu that that is not my boy!"

The medical taicho sighed.

"I feared as much."

"You feared! What the hell is going on?"

"You were told about the attack a few months ago?" She folded her hands together on the desk in front of her.

"Yes, Kisuke said that Ichigo would be put into a medically induced coma for a week. After Ichigo was brought here, not even three days went by and he was stabbed by some unknown assailant." Isshin ran a hand over his tired face.

"Well after that incident, I started to note some things. His reiatsu would fluctuate and seem off, different. Then I examined his body closer. There are scars that seem like they don't belong. One example would be the slice he took from Aizen when rescuing Kuchiki Rukia. Inoue-san had healed that wound so there should be little or no mark but there is. Calluses that you would not normally think about, like from the use of a pencil from years of school work, are not there. His body itself, I cannot say exactly what is off about it but my instincts say it is not one that has ever held true life." She leaned back as she revealed what she suspected. "Unless there is another scientist that could rival Aizen Sousuke or Urahara Kisuke, the only one that could have done this is Kurotsuchi. I have reported my suspicions to Yamamoto Soutaicho but have had no proof."

Isshin scowled. "I will find a way Retsu. Mark my words, if that man has my son, there is no place in any world that he can go that I won't find him. Any harm he has inflicted, I will repay upon him a hundred fold."

"I am sure you will Isshin." Her blue eyes were hard and he could see how scary she could be.

… … … *** *** *** … … …

(Ichigo's Journal)

I had another fit today. I never remember what I do during the fit, but I do know that it is usually not good. When I woke, the room was a mess. Luckily I had been brought to a training room. Aizen had wanted to know if I remembered how to fight.

Eventually, after getting beat up a bit by Aizen, I remembered Zangetsu. I was elated to remember him and he greeted me with happiness in return.

As we continued to spar, the world seemed to spin. I heard another voice coming from my throat, screaming out a challenge and then the world went black.

When I came too, like I said, the room was a mess. Pillars were smashed into rubble and scars were engraved into the floor and wall.

Aizen was holding tight to me, his hair mussed, and a trickle of blood ran down his face. He looked so beautiful to me in that moment. I didn't think and just acted.

The kiss was so … so… How do you describe a feeling that just overwhelms? I tried to keep it chaste but he did not allow that. Should I blame it on the adrenaline from the fight?

His tongue swept my mouth and fought with my own tongue. Of course he would be the dominant one, the one to win over me. The fire that filled my body… there are no words adequate enough to describe it.

I somehow knew that I had never done this before with man or woman but I did not fear it. His sword calloused hands felt rough on my skin but brought so much pleasure.

With every touch and kiss, we undressed each other. His body to me was like looking at a work of art. The broad shoulders, the defined muscles, and the golden skin all entranced me.

I was tentative about where I could touch but he had the patience to allow me to explore him to my heart's content.

Running my lips down his neck with my warm breath tickling his skin, and hearing his moan, I felt consumed by these feelings.

I did not know if I loved this man but I did know that I wanted him and I knew I would not regret having my first time with Aizen.

I licked the skin around his nipple and then ran my tongue over the bud. The differing texture was interesting and the taste of his skin, addicting. I wanted more of that taste and I wanted to hear him moan some more. Traveling down his stomach, licking and sucking on that wonderful skin, I came to his erection.

I studied him a little. He was larger than me. Running my hand over him brought a groan that had me doing it again. A bead of moisture formed at the tip and I had to taste, to see if it was as addicting as his skin.

Running my tongue over the tip, he twitched his hips a little and another moan escaped him, encouraging me to keep going. Taking him into my mouth was exciting and arousing, making me ache. The way he arched up into me as I sucked on him and the sounds that he allowed himself to make, oh god I wanted him.

He pulled me off and rolled me to my back. Aizen looked into my eyes as he spread my legs and started to push in. His eyes were darkened with lust to that near black of dark chocolate. As I winced at the burn, he grabbed my own erection and started to pump.

The pain was nothing. The pleasure of being filled overrode any fear or desire to stop. This was something I never realized I needed.

I relaxed into the pleasure. I allowed myself to let go and be taken care of. I allowed this man to take my body and placed trust in him that he would not hurt me.

He kissed me, devoured me. His fingers pinched my nipples and his lips soon followed to lick and bite.

With every thrust into my body, an overwhelming pleasure consumed me. This, this was something that I don't know if anyone else can give me.

When the final convulsion of pleasure crashed over me and I came, not only did he follow right behind, he gave me a gift more precious than anything.

In my broken world, for the first time I felt whole and complete.


	7. Chapter 7

**Please Read 1****st****!**

Okay, so maybe I am as disorganized in writing as I am in life. In an attempt at alleviating the confusion here are some notes.

1.) Chapters 1-3 are a type of prologue. They happen in the present/future and at this point Ichigo and Orihime have been in Los Noches for approximately 8 months.

2.) Chapter 4 and on is the past leading to the present time.

3.) The journal entries are from when Ichigo first came to Los Noches(is it Los or Las I have seen it both ways?)and detailing (well kind of) his experiences and emotions as he attempts to recover his memories and is forming a new bond with Aizen. No they are not going to go into detail about everything or everyday but they are chronological.

4.) I know, I know, skipping about in time makes things difficult but please bear with me. This was the only way I knew how to get everything I wanted in there without making it more confusing or just a jumbled mess. Would making every other chapter a journal entry instead have been easier?

Okay, quick recap:

-Ichigo is in Las Noches w/Orihime (In present/future)

-It all started w/Ichigo going off to face Aizen alone (approx. a year before first chap.) and is put under hypnosis.

-They (Soul Society and friends) try to help Ichigo get over the hypnosis he is under.

-Mayuri Kurotsuchi is extremely persistent in what he wants and is suspected of replacing Ichigo w/clone.

AND NOW ONTO THE STORY! Oh and if it is still confusing just ask and I will try to clear everything up.

* * *

Due to lack of information, the fourth division captain did not feel that it was wise to destroy this Ichigo "clone". The feel of reiatsu within the body made her question whether or not it was connected in some manner to the boy. To test all of her theories she would need Urahara Kisuke.

She made plans to travel to the real world when Ichigo's body was transferred to the care of his father. Unohana knew that everyone on earth had been made aware of Isshin's certainty that this was not Ichigo. Everyone being Ichigo's friends, the former twelfth division captain, Shihoin Yoruichi, and the shinigami team stationed in Karakura. All of them have expressed the willingness to help when Ichigo was found.

She informed the captain commander of her intentions to investigate and then as a back-up of sorts she informed Kyoraku Shunsui and Ukitake Jyushiro of her suspicions. The two promised to keep an eye out and see what they can find out themselves.

… … … …

"Well it is conclusive. This is just a well made clone. Unfortunately, if we destroy it, we may face notifying Kurotsuchi that we have found him out. The readings on the reiatsu show that it may indeed be tied to Kurosaki-kun. I suspect that if Ichigo died the clone would "die" as well so he may just be alive." Urahara lowered his head and a hand brought his signature hat lower.

"So then does the opposite also apply? I mean if the clone dies or is killed will Kurosaki be affected?" Ishida asked.

"No, I believe that the clone is just a receptor of sorts. The reiatsu it gives off is an echo, if you will, of Kurosaki's own."

"Since we now know that Ichigo is out there somewhere, and that the only one who could have taken him is freaky taicho, we can tell the Captain Commander!" Renji enthusiastically cried. "We'll bust him out and kick Kurotsuchi's ass."

Unohana sighed.

"Unfortunately Abarai-kun, that is not possible. The moment we found out, I sent a message to the Sou-taicho. He specifically stated that we cannot lose another captain at this time and that _'ass kicking'_ is not allowed. He will be dealt with after the war."

Cries of astonishment and fury echoed through the room.

"Please calm down." Unohana said in her calm demeanor but with that scary look in her eye. Everyone just froze. "Though we may not harm Kurotsuchi-taicho, Yamamoto Sou-taicho has informed me that he will schedule an attack readiness drill of sorts in a few days. The captains, lieutenants and seated officers, excluding those in the real world are required to participate. This should empty the division of anyone who can truly be a hindrance to retrieving Kurosaki-kun."

"Kurotsuchi is not the most sane of scientists," snickers and a 'no duh' was heard, "and can be quite paranoid. We have to plan carefully to rescue Ichigo. If Mayuri did not make too many significant changes to the labs, I know a few ways to get in. Unfortunately, those entrances may not be secret anymore and may just be full of traps."

Urahara pulled a map seemingly out of nowhere.

"Ukitake-taicho has found someone to help us disable the alarms temporarily. Rin can shut down the alarms for ten minutes. The alarm will be reset after that and will be disabled again in an hour. The labs are huge so study the map carefully. Like I said, you only have an hour to find him and get out."

Everyone paired up and divided the areas they would search.

"Um...I don't have a partner." Inoue said.

They all looked at each other, then at her.

"Inoue-san, we would be more comfortable if you waited and got ready to heal Ichigo when we bring him back." Ishida said.

"Oh…I guess." She looked a bit sad. "Just bring him back, okay?"

They all agreed.

… … …

Inoue Orihime was not happy at all. Although her usually happy-go-lucky self would not allow for arguing, she could and she would help Ichigo.

Rushing home after all the plans were set, she grabbed up a box that she normally kept high up on a shelf and rushed back out. Hitsugaya taicho and Matsumoto Rangiku would arrive soon and for what she planned, an audience was out of the question.

When she reached the room in the abandoned building that she and Chad first trained in, she set the box down on a crate.

This box held all her treasures. There was a pressed flower from when she was younger that her brother had given her, a few jewelry items, some pictures and a glass jar that had something that looked like sand in it. It was the jar that she pulled out.

The container was not much bigger than a baby food jar and held about a handful of an ashy sand-like substance. Pouring the sand out onto the concrete floor, she clasped her hands together and gave a quick prayer.

"Sôten Kishun, I reject." Shun'o and Ayame flew out, creating their healing shield.

"Please, please, please…" Inoue chanted softly as she put all her heart into what she was doing.

She woke up as the sun shone into the room. Opening her eyes, she was met with bright green ones right in front of her. Letting out a screech, Orihime fell back in surprise.

"Woman, why did you bring me back?"

She then threw herself at the surprised espada.

"It worked! It worked!"

… … …

(Ichigo's Journal – approximately 4 months in Las Noches)

After that day with Aizen, things felt better, lighter. I still had those episodes where I did not remember but he is always there to help me through them.

I still see that girl from the first day…her name is Inoue, I think. She comes to visit me sometimes but she's never alone. The one who comes with her, I feel I should know but it doesn't bother me enough to ask. He always stares though, like he never blinks. It gives me the creeps to have those green eyes looking at me. I try to ignore him as best I can.

Talking with Inoue is difficult. I can only just sit there and listen in amazement. She talks about fantastic, as in unbelievable or weird, things.

Once she told me about a picture she made of a future self in which she was a robot and could shoot rockets and…. Well let's just say that I couldn't really follow what she was going on about.

Sometimes it makes me dizzy just being near her.

…

Aizen has asked me to call him Sousuke. I like that. There are days he still creeps me out with that serene smile he uses but that's okay. He is always here. I can accept his ways, after all, he's accepted me as I am.

I can tell I'm rambling and not making much sense right now. I think I'll go take a nap.

* * *

**a/n: My antibiotics are kicking my behind. I've read this several times to fix errors and double check that I am making sense but since I am a bit loopy at the moment that is questionable. So feel free to ask questions and point out any mistakes I've made.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** the usual applies.

A quick thanks to everyone who reviewed!

**xShiroi-chan-- I hope this answers your question. :)**

* * *

Her smile, the inane chatter, and the fact that she had such a strong hold on him that he couldn't get away was all it took for Ulquiorra to agree.

Agree to what you ask? Well, he now happened to be in the middle of enemy territory, in the lab of a madman, trying to save the man who killed him. Fate apparently had quite the sense of humor.

Instead of heading into Soul Society with everyone else, especially since she had not told anyone about bringing Ulquiorra back, Inoue had asked him to make a garganta straight into the labs. She had it timed to when the alarms would be shut off. She may be ditzy on the outside but she was quite smart underneath when she chose to be. She had even made a copy of the map that Urahara had shown everyone.

"Where do you think Kurosaki is being held?"

"This is your idea woman." Ulquiorra let out a very quiet sigh. "If he is anything like Szayel, there is probably a secret room or a lab that only he has access to."

They came upon a records room with a large computer. Ulquiorra, being the loyal drone he is, decided to look through for any information that he could give to Aizen.

"Oh good, maybe that will say which room Kurosaki-kun is kept in." Orihime chirped. He just barely resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

Scrolling through the files, he found one labeled Espada. Curious, he clicked it open.

"Oh my god!" The horrified utterance from the girl could not even begin to describe what was shown.

It was a video clip of Yammi on a metal table. There were wires everywhere that monitored any brainwaves and who knew what leading from the large being. It looked almost like a live autopsy was being performed. His chest was cracked open to reveal lungs that inflated and deflated with the help of a machine. The espada's mask fragment lay on a tray not far from where Mayuri worked. He played around with the organs, measuring, weighing and just seeming to enjoy handling these internal body parts.

The video changed again to show the administration of drugs into the large body. The convulsions that racked Yammi's body were so hard, cracking of bones were heard.

It went on like this for a while before Orihime buried her face into Ulquiorra's back. At first he thought that she may be crying until she spoke.

"Just stop it. We need to find Kurosaki-kun. Look for that, please."

Ulquiorra was surprised at the hard tone. This usually meek little mouse was so angry that she was shaking.

Quickly searching through the files, he found one that had no name just the number fifteen. _How unoriginal,_ he thought. (1)

Clicking open that file, he found copious notes on Ichigo. They detailed observations and possible experiments that could be done. Entering a subfolder, he found videos.

The first video, dated the day after Ichigo was attacked, opened up to show Kurotsuchi injecting something into Ichigo. The boy began to stir from the coma that he had been placed in.

"Wha…?" Finding his hands bound, the teen's eyes snapped open and he started to struggle in earnest.

"What the fuck?" His legs had also been strapped down to the table and you could see the panic starting to rise.

"Now, now Kurosaki, there is no need to struggle so. This won't be life threatening…I think." That creepy smile just widened.

An I.V. containing an unknown clear compound was administered into his left arm.

"This should keep your body going despite blood loss."

"WHAT!" Ichigo struggled harder to free himself. "Bastard! Let me go!"

The screaming started shortly thereafter. Ulquiorra started to fast forward through several videos until something caught his interest. This particular video was dated about a month after Ichigo was taken.

"No, please stop. No more…" Ichigo begged. His body was littered with cuts and large raised scars all over. There on his torso, up and down his limbs, even his face and neck had the ropey strands of scar tissue and pink just healed skin. The boy's eyes were glazed and unseeing.

"Seems that regeneration speed you have is slowing down. Maybe I should feed you," the scientist muttered. Mayuri came around the bed with a bottle of something and drew it into a needle. "Now that I have been able to test your hollow powers a bit, we'll try something new."

The whimper let out by Ichigo as the man drew close with the needle started the tears flowing down Inoue's face. She had to close her eyes when the screams began.

"No, no, aaaaaahhhhh!" This went on for a few minutes before the voice seemed to double. Orihime quickly looked back at the screen.

There lying on top of Ichigo was an albino copy of the boy. Both screamed until they passed out.

Ulquiorra started the next video as Renji and Rukia came in.

The two shinigami froze in place when they spotted Orihime and Ulquiorra. Their hands reached for the zanpakuto at their sides but stopped when they heard a scream coming from the computer screen.

Ichigo was strapped to one table and his hollow was strapped to another. Mayuri Kurotsuchi stood in the middle and was conducting a vivisection (2) of the hollow. The skin was stripped off of the face and his torso split open. One of the albino Kurosaki's eyes were hanging out of it's socket and was split open as well. Both Ichigo and his copy screamed and cried out as the mad scientist poked and prodded inside.

"Interesting, they are still connected in some manner and feel each other's pain." Mayuri stopped and took some notes. Ulquiorra then fast forwarded again. Renji and Rukia just stood rooted to the spot, astonished and sickened by what they witnessed.

The last video was dated only a few days ago.

Ichigo and his hollow were both on the tables once more but were no longer strapped down. The only thing that the group could surmise was that the boys were too weak to put up a fight.

The hollow had scars that roped his face and was missing an eye. The scarring was a bit jarring to Ulquiorra and Orihime because they knew the hollow had high speed regeneration. For there to be scars the injuries must have been so horrific that it was difficult to heal from or maybe his abilities were weakened by the torture they both went through.

"Well, since I have done what I can on the hollow, there are some new things I want to try on the two of you together." Mayuri pulled out another syringe filled with a purple substance. He injected it into Ichigo and pulled out another and injected that into the other.

The screams started again but this time the captain lifted the hollow and laid him on top of Ichigo. They started to melt together but seemed to get stuck. Their hoarse voices rose in panic and pain.

"Interesting," was all Mayuri said as he watched.

The hollow Ichigo's legs and lower half were melted into the teen but the left arm, shoulder and head still stuck out, connected to Ichigo's chest.

Ichigo seemed to come to himself for a moment and wrapped his arms around what was left of his hollow half like he was trying to protect it.

Mayuri just injected them with more of the mystery fluid.

Rukia and Orihime both had a hard look in their eyes and the tears flowed down their cheeks. Renji had fallen to his knees with horror reflected in his red brown eyes.

"Does it say where this room is or if Ichigo is held in a cell?" Orihime asked.

"There is nothing in these reports or notes that say where." Ulquiorra replied in his emotionless voice.

"Maybe there is a map of this place more current that the one Urahara had on the computer." Rukia ignored the presence of the espada for the moment and race up to the controls, practically shoving the other aside.

Searching through the data base, she came upon the schematics of the structure they were in.

"There is an addition here that was not on the original map. See?" Pointing out the room, they realized that it was off of a storage area. Rukia pulled out the communication device that each one had and notified the others of where they were headed.

"We've wasted enough time here, let's go!" Rukia ordered and grabbed up Renji.

When they reached the storage room, they were faced with a problem. There was no visible door or any indication of a way into the rooms and they only had five minutes left until the alarms would be shut off.

"Ulquiorra, couldn't you open another garganta into the room?" Orihime asked.

"There is something that is blocking my readings of the area. I do not think that we will be able to pass." Ulquiorra stepped back a moment, thinking. He lifted up his hand and shot a small cero at the wall.

The brick and mortar broke apart revealing a layer of seki-seki stone.

"Shit, warn a guy would ya?" Renji grumped as he brushed off the rubble that had flown onto him.

"We won't be able to pass with anything reiatsu based." Rukia informed the arrancar.

The green eyed being just looked at the wall critically for a moment. With his hands in his pocket, he just gave the wall a good kick.

"It cracked!" Rukia looked on astonished at the strength of this being.

The alarm then went off on her cell phone.

"Shit! The time is up! The alarms will be activated in ten minutes."

Rukia just called up everyone else and told them to leave and that they were still trying to get into the other room.

"Rukia, the drills will end within a half hour. Good luck." Hitsugaya-taicho said and then disconnected.

"Okay, we have less than half an hour before we will be swarmed by twelfth division shinigami and their captain." Rukia informed.

Ulquiorra kicked at the wall several more times before a small hole appeared behind which there was metal plating. Giving one last kick, he was able to break through enough for Rukia to crawl through.

The door slid aside within a minute of her getting in.

"Come on."

Entering, they recognized the tables and equipment from the videos. Looking around they found several cages and cells. Within one of the cages were the remains of Yammi. The espada no longer had any arms and patches of skin were peeled away. There were a few gaping holes along his torso, where Kurotsuchi had only haphazardly stitched him together.

In other cells were shinigami thought dead or missing in action. If any of them were still alive, they would not be for much longer. Rukia and Renji both made a mental note to report their whereabouts to at least Byakuya.

In the farthest cell, they found Ichigo. He lay on a gurney covered only by a sheet. His formerly orange hair had streaks of white and he looked emaciated. The teen now appeared like he was closer to eighty than sixteen going on seventeen years old.

When they touched him, his eyes flew open. They were wide and full of fear.

"No, please no." He croaked.

"Ichigo, we've come to help." Rukia said gently.

"No… go away…go away…" There was no recognition in his eyes and he weakly tried to shove them away. After a minute he fainted.

Orihime was about to call out her powers but was stopped by Rukia.

"I know you wanted to help but we need to get out of here first." Orihime just nodded. "Can you open a garganta into the real world?"

"Once I am out of this room." Ulquiorra picked Ichigo up and threw him over a shoulder. The others looked like they wanted to object to the rough treatment but held their tongues. It probably would not be a good idea to piss off the one helping you.

Back in the storage room, they were about to enter the garganta when alarms sounded and Kurotsuchi entered. They heard his scream of rage as the gateway shut behind them.

… … …

(Ichigo's Journal –Between the fifth and sixth month in Las Noches)

Every day I remember things. I remembered my mother. She was beautiful inside and out. I know that she is dead and honestly a part of me misses her, but the feeling is a bit distant. Maybe that is because I forgot so many things. I don't know.

Yesterday, I dreamt of those girls again. When I remembered mom I remembered my sisters. This time the dream and memory were of them when they were little. I would sneak into their room and lay down on the bed between them. I loved them very much.

The good dream did turn a little scary at one point. A face, the one I see the most, is me but not me. He calls my name and cries out that I don't answer. He says that he wants me and needs me to be with him. I am scared to find out who that is.

Sometimes I hear this watery voice when I am awake. It urges me to let myself go and that it was my own fault for being so weak. He scares me but at the same time I want to cry when I hear him. When he calls for me I feel so helpless. I want to heed that call but I don't know how.

… … …

(1) A play on Ichigo's name for those who didn't get it.

(2) Vivisection- live autopsy, live dissection used to view living structure for purpose other than the health of the subject.


	9. Chapter 9

Everyone was surprised and on guard when a garganta opened into the underground training area at the shoten. They were even more surprised to find an espada that everyone thought was dead, walk out with Ichigo on his shoulder. Rukia, Renji and Orihime followed out behind him.

Laying the boy on the ground, Ulquiorra turned to Orihime.

"I have repaid my debt to you for my life. I will go now."

"Oh no! You can't just leave yet. We haven't thanked you and …and…well I would like you to stay." Orihime said.

Ulquiorra was astonished that he was even considering staying. The shinigami gathered looked ready to try to slay him and this girl's request made him pause. He shook his head mentally and wondered what was happening to him.

"I will stay a day or two." Her smile at his words made him feel funny inside and he wondered if he was falling ill.

"Inoue-san, I don't think that is such a good idea." Ishida said and shoved his glasses up his nose with a finger.

"Why?" She asked in a clueless fashion.

"Well, he may have helped you but he did try to kill us at one point. Another thing, he was supposed to be dead. You brought him back didn't you?" The last was more of a statement than a question.

"Um, well, yes I did." She said a bit forcefully. "You would not let me go with you guys to rescue Kurosaki-kun. I was not going to just sit here and wait."

They all looked to her a bit astonished at her attitude.

"Hey, hey!" a sing-song voice interrupted. "Maybe espada-san would like something to drink?"

"I do not require anything at this time." Ulquiorra narrowed his eyes at Urahara.

"Well we do thank you for helping to rescue our friend. Maybe we should all gather upstairs and talk civilly about all that has happened." The shopkeeper urged.

Renji lifted Ichigo into his arms and headed into the shop. Everyone followed his lead.

… … …

After Orihime set her healing shield over Ichigo, she joined all those gathered in the main room.

"So now that everyone is gathered, I would like a report of what happened." Urahara sat in his usual spot, presiding over their impromptu meeting.

"You know what happened to us," snorted the white haired taicho. "We failed to find and retrieve Kurosaki."

"We had to knock out a few low level idiots and eventually had to come back." Ikaku replied and Yumichika just nodded.

"I think it is safe to assume we all have similar stories except for Renji, Rukia, Orihime and Ulquiorra." Ishida said.

"I can just show you all what happened." Before anyone realized what he was about to do, Ulquiorra plucked his eye out and crushed it.

They all stiffened as the images played in their minds. Urahara murmured, "Fascinating."

When the videos of the tortures Ichigo went through played everyone exclaimed in shock. By the end, each and every person in the room was affected in some way.

Everyone was grim, shock and anger reigned. The girls had tears in their eyes and their hands were clenched tight. Rukia, Renji and Orihime who had seen it before clenched their teeth together tightly to keep from crying out their pain and rage.

Urahara just sighed. The pain of guilt and helplessness was etched into every line of his body and in every movement he made.

"This may have just broken the boy." The shop keeper pulled his hat lower over his eyes. "I don't know if he will be sane after this."

… … …

Urahara's fears were confirmed when Ichigo woke. The screams coming from the back room had Tessai ushering a clinging Ururu and wide eyed Jinta out of the shop. No one could calm Ichigo down. He would cringe away from everyone and was currently curled up in the corner of the room with fear coming off of him in waves. There was no hint of recognition in his honey brown eyes.

"Ichigo…shhh…it's okay. Please calm down." Orihime and Rukia both tried to get close to calm him down.

"No! Nononononono…." The boy curled tighter upon himself and his arms came up and curled around his head.

Urahara gestured the girls to back up. Putting down his cane and taking off his hat, the shop keeper slowly approached the quivering teen. When no flailing limbs came his way, the blonde tentatively reached over to the boy.

A whimper escaped the teen as Kisuke's hands slowly peeled the arms from around Ichigo's head.

"It's alright. No one will hurt you here. You're safe now." With those murmured words, the orange haired boy was slowly pulled toward the man and held in a tight embrace. The girls approached and gathered around, slowly adding themselves to the hug in an attempt to give comfort.

The blast of black and red reiatsu took them by surprise. The power surge blasted everyone away from Ichigo and into the walls of the room.

Hitsugaya, Matsumoto, Renji and Ulquiorra appeared in a flash.

"What the…!" The exclamation from the small taicho was cut off as another blast of power came from the boy. They all watched in horror as orange hair grew longer and a horned white mask formed, covering most of his head.

Before anyone else thought to move, Ulquiorra was there. The espada had a hold of one of the horns and his other arm was wrapped around Ichigo's neck. A clawed hand dug into the restraining arm and a howl was released from the horned figure.

"No, Kurosaki-kun! Don't hurt anyone!" Orihime flung herself onto Ichigo.

A garganta opened up behind them, whether Ulquiorra or Hollow Ichigo did it no one knew. The shinigami all reached out in horror as they tried to catch the three from falling into the portal, but it was too late. The almost _clang_ like sound as the gate closed seemed too final to those left behind.

(Ichigo's Journal – Seven Months)

It has been a little over seven months that I have been here. Aizen … Sousuke, has admitted that my fits are the result of a hollow inside of me. I knew and yet I did not want to acknowledge it. I denied it and ranted and raved at the man, even going so far as to try and hit him. I am surrounded by hollows here yet I do not really see them and even if I do, I rarely remember. They can be brutal and cold and I wanted to never be like that.

In my dreams my hollow calls out to me. Sometimes this white being sounds sad and lost. At other times, he screams at me that all that has happened is my fault, I try to answer and attempt to find him but I am unable. I sometimes see this broken and scarred white copy of myself crying and looking so alone sitting in the distance but I can never reach him. When I wake from these visions there are usually tears that are running down my face and Sousuke is there to comfort me.

I sit and talk with Zangetsu and ask him about my hollow. He tells me that he hears my hollow call but is unable to find him. How do I find a creature that is supposed to be a part of myself? He should be inside my inner world but I cannot find him.

(A couple of weeks later)

The one called Ulquiorra brought a beaten man into Las Noches today. This man wore the clothing of a shinigami captain and he frightened me like no other. I vaguely remember shinigami and Zangetsu tells me that some of my powers are that of one but I have never felt such overwhelming fear of just one being. I know I have feared and still fear losing myself to my hollow but I have never ever felt this sheer crushing force of emotion before. I could hardly breathe and was frozen in the doorway of my room as the man was lugged away barely conscious.

I felt ashamed of myself because I ran back into the room and locked the door, hiding. I know I am not a weakling. I am not useless. I will fight this fear and to do that I need to confront this shinigami.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: **I apologize for the long wait. This time of year is busy, busy, busy. Parent teacher conference time, baking, costumes, candy and the lovely flu season take up much time. Ever notice how when one family member falls ill that it becomes a domino effect and every one catches it? Oh yes, if mommy doesn't catch it in the middle of taking care of everyone, it happens just as everyone else has gotten over it. Lovely right?

Well anyhow, this is very short. I've lost the rhythm and flow of what I was trying to do so I may just go back and edit like mad so that it comes out better and I get the hang of what I am writing again.

******

The inhabitants of Las Noches awoke with a shudder as ripples of power washed over them. Aizen Sousuke jumped out of bed and hurriedly dressed. Rushing out into the hallway, he met Gin coming out of his room, sword in hand. Both men were half dressed, their open tops flaring out behind them as they made for the lit sands under the central dome.

When they reached the open patio/balcony area where Halibel had watched Grimmjow and Ichigo fight before, all they could really see was a cloud of sand rolling in their direction. Coming out toward the edge they finally notice a figure standing off to the side.

"Now why would you come back Hime-chan?" Gin asked in a semi-singsong voice.

"Sshhh!" she scolded and dismissed them with a waive of her hand.

Gin was startled enough by her attitude to open his eyes a bit. Before, this girl was docile and easily played with but now, she dared to shush him and ignore their presence as she stared intently at what seemed like a raging sandstorm below. Aizen just chuckled and focused on the chaos before him.

Strikes of lightning rumbled through the clouds roiling across the sands. Buildings collapsed into large piles of rubble as the storm passed. Newly repaired structures burst into flames, some black with red highlights and some green or white.

A large dark creature rose through the smoke. The black batwings spread fully open just as he emerged, like a demon rising from the depths of hell.

"Is that Ulquiorra?" Gin asked.

Aizen just smiled serenely and continued to watch events unfold.

The haze of sand slowly cleared to reveal a hollow unknown to the two men. The skull style face of the horned helmet was familiar.

"Is that Kurosaki?" Gin smiled evilly.

Aizen chuckled softly.

There seemed to be a standoff of sorts, neither side was making a move and that is when Aizen made his. He disappeared from their observation point and reappeared below. Hollow Ichigo raised his sword to block a blow only to have the ex-shinigami dissipate like smoke and materialize beside him as the butt of the sword shattered the mask off of his face. The boy crumpled to the brown haired man's feet.

"Now Ulquiorra, I assume you have some interesting information for me. I look forward to your report."

*** *** ***

**(Present- a little while after the dinner incident and a few days after the last journal entry)**

Ichigo sat and stared at the books on the table before him. Since he started keeping a journal, he was able to pour out all his feelings that he couldn't speak of, all the flashes for memories he'd see, and all his ideas, frustrations and experiences so far.

He counted eight books. He would completely fill one book in approximately a month. He had been here a little over eight months and other than finding someone who cared for him and whom he cared for, there was not much that had been accomplished.

Ichigo scowled at the journals.

He had regained some memory. He remembered his mother, his sister, and a goofy black haired man that he assumed was his father. The girl Orihime that he had dinner with some times would pop up in his mind with a sweet smile and concerned eyes but not too much more. Then there were those faces that he could not put a name to, so many faces.

With a growl, the orange haired teen swept the desk clear of his journals and writing materials.

"Ichigo," a soft but deep voice admonished from behind him.

"Why? Why won't you let me speak to the shinigami you brought in a couple weeks ago? I feel like I need to talk to him to make sense of what happened to me. I am going crazy just sitting here and trying to remember when nothing new has come to me for about a week." Without turning around, Ichigo flopped back into the chair he had originally been sitting in.

"Ichigo…" with a sigh Aizen continued, "I suppose a part of me has been trying to protect you. With how wild you were when you first arrived and then those … fits, I was thinking of keeping you from the one who caused you pain."

"So… He is the one."


End file.
